Relief doesn't come close...

Having had the high risk blood test results, the next few days were just a nightmare. We felt like everything was on hold. We knew we wanted to have the amniocentesis, as a) we couldn't bear the uncertainty for 5 months and b) we knew we didn't want to have a DS baby, so we also knew exactly what the consequences of a bad result would be. So by the time Monday rolled around we were really worried. I was very nervous about the procedure. Fortunately they didn't keep us waiting, and the consultant was very calm and reassuring, quite matter of fact, not overly sentimental about it all, just very practical and a very reassuring presence. Heather, who I'd been plaguing with questions all week on the phone, was the midwife in attendance, as well as another midwife whose name I didn't catch.
Pot was wriggling like anything and taking up all the space - it was lovely to see him / her again, and so much bigger than before. It took quite a while for them to find a space big enough to get the needle in. It hurt. Not hugely, but quite a bit. More than anything though I was just incredibly tense. It took a while - Nick said afterwards it looked like they were taking way more than the 20ml needed. But they got a good clean sample so we were able to send it off to the Amnio-PCR lab for fast-track results. I nearly passed out afterwards - mostly because of the relief of it being over I think. Had some iced water and then it was OK.
Nick did a great job of looking after me on Monday and Tuesday - I watched an awful lot of Buffy! But took it all very easy, and fortunately there wasn't a lot of pain which was a relief, as I'd read you can get quite bad cramps and so on for a few days. It was reassuring not having those, so by the time I went back to work on Wednesday I was reasonably confident the process wasn't going to cause a miscarriage. However, every little twinge and cramp and muscle movement sent me into panic, so was quite frequently dashing off to the loo to check everything was OK. Scary time. And the risk period isn't really over yet, so am still taking it very easy and not lifting or pulling or pushing anything at all heavy.
Time really slowed down. We had been told that we were likely to get the results on Thursday so it was hard not to be phone-watching the whole time. SOme of the time I felt excited, glad we would be getting it over and done with. But I was also petrified - what if the results were bad? How would we cope if we had to have a termination? No more Pot... it was hideous. Fortunately the whole human coping mechanism seemed to be kicking in with some force, and made it hard for me to really focus on the negatives too much, or evenhow scared I was. It was a bit like trying to focus on a sunspot - the thoughts just slide off to one side and you can't really dig in and panic. Which was fortunate.

We got the call just before 4pm. Everything was fine.

We will get the full amnio results in a couple of weeks with the full breakdown, but for now we are reassured that Pot tested negative for DS, Edwards and the third one which I can never remember. Which were the ones we were worried about. There is something utterly bleak and terrifying about something being described as "incompatible with life". That's Edward's, apparently. Sounds like some horrible wartime torture euphemism or something.

But anyway - all is fine, and the relief was just immense. I nearly burst into tears - Nick was the same when I called him, even Dad welled up apparently. Such an emotional few days, but now at least we feel we can really get on with enjoying every minute of this incredible process.

Off to Jon and Susie's today so will be seeing Doug and Kim as well, so should be a fun weekend. It could all have been so different - the difference between negative and positive, the difference one little chromosome can make. It's humbling. I have never felt so grateful in my life.