Triple Stressed

Bad pun, sorry.

Had my triple test last week - got the results yesterday to say I am "high risk" at 1:221 chance of the baby being DS. We were pretty upset at the news - the decision is whether or not to have an amniocentesis. The answer - we're going to have the test. I just can't stand the idea of five months of not knowing. Plus, to be brutally honest, we don't want a DS baby. Does that make us bad people? I feel very selfish saying it, but we don't. And we don't think it's very fair to the child either. We want our baby to have every privilege and opportunity in life that we have both had - medical science allows us to know. So we're going to find out. No wonder people say ignorance is bliss. The stats are in our favour - but 1% risk suddenly sounds huge. I don't think it's possible to understand unless it happens to you. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's a horrible, horrible choice. The idea of losing pot... can't bear to think about it. But hopefully what it will confirm is that everything is fine. And hopefully the procedure itself won't cause a miscarriage. That's the worry too.
Too many thoughts - want to just switch off brain. So I think it's bedtime. Numb it with lots of work tomorrow and get the test over and done with next week. Plenty of women have this done and many don't think too hard about it. Maybe we're over-reacting and over-analysing. If I believed in God I'd be praying right now.